I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
