Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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