I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
