fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt