Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize