I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag