yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month