You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.