i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
