i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I skipped work to stalk him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
