Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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