Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
