What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
