How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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