I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
