I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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