is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
