Say something about gay babies.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
