I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
