I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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