I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
