party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
