sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory