I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There r osticjed everywhere
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"