I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.