96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober