3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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