She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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