You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
