Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
