Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
