Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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