I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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