my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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