why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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