I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
