I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
