I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
