i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
