In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
