I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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