all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
