Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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