After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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