last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
