he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
this is an emotional support booty call
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
