just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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