Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
