Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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