Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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