im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
