mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
