I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
