Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
