Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
