I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
