Sponge bath it is.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dicks are not precious.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
