census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
