I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
