he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
