Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
