if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
