Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I will pee on everything he values.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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