I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
