On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
