i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
