i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
