Your face is a jimmy john
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
