I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
