remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
