Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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