I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
