i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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