She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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